I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
