I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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