Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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