You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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