I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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