You just made me feel so damn special
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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