Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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