I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
