too bad you live with your parents still
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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