so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
