Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
