speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
