I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Small penises have feelings too.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize