I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
