Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
