So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
