please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
