to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I still have a little drunk in my system
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
