Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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