I will die if light touches me.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
