I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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