Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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