My brain says no but my pants say off.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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