There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
