I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
