I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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