R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I supernannyed him into submission
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
