my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize