Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
