but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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