someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
