if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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