Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
