She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize