Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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