Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
