maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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