He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
