If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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