My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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