Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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