Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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