so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
