Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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