Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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