if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
