I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
