We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
