toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
