I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
