My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
