Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
