forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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