So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
