i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
