And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Floor bacon is actually really good
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
