Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
