Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
