I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
