so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
