I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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