Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
