Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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