I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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