Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
