i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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