she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Bring me that man meat
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