I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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