i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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