Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
