New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
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