I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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