Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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