I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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